How To Hold A Conversation With Your Non-Pregnant Friends

{Because sometimes they don't want to hear about how gassy you are}

Have you ever – before becoming pregnant, or even thinking about pregnancy as something that was on the horizon, near or far – sat down for a catch up with a baby filled friend, and had everything you were excited to tell them completely trampled on, because all they’re willing to talk about is pregnancy and babies, and anything going on in your life is, as a result, treated as a throwaway thing that is of no real importance? I have. And it sucked.

As such, upon becoming pregnant I made a pact with myself not to become ‘that guy,’ and to ensure my friends knew their news was just as big a deal as mine, no matter what stage of pregnancy or motherhood I reached. Because everyone’s world is important. And my friends have some amusing stories to tell that I didn’t want to risk missing out on (aka, the unexpected message I received from one of my bridesmaids whilst on our babymoon, that simply read ‘I had sex with a magician.’ No explanation, no follow up, until prompted. Which is why I love her)

Moving on...

In case you, too, want to maintain conversations that cover more than poop and puke, I’ve put together a handy guide to holding a conversation with your non-pregnant friends:

Remember you’re a person too
This may seem simple, especially early in trimester one, when you’re off in the la la land that accompanies a positive pregnancy test - just before morning sickness kicks in and you answer questions about your ‘symptoms’ with such idiocies as ‘none! I don’t think I’ll get any!’ – but, later on, it can get quite hard sometimes to focus on anything other than the fact you are now a vessel for a miracle that is eating your food and killing your brain cells and generally sapping the life force right out of you as you try to go about your day to day. But here’s the thing, while being said vessel is wonderful, you’re still you. And no amount of nausea or cravings is going to change that fact. So go ahead and do your hobbies, ask your mates about their Tinder dates, and discuss trashy TV shows as though they are of life and death importance. Just do you, baby, your spawn will be just fine without all of your attention

And so are they
Honestly, they might not be currently growing a human, but they still are a human themselves, and if they’re taking the time to spend an hour or so of their lives with you, they deserve to be heard as much as you do. And, as I say, you could miss out on something hilarious if you’re not open to listening. Anecdote about accidentally dating a sociopath, anyone? Or worse, someone that helps themselves to food from your plate?

They don’t care what baby seat you think you’ll buy (they might be interested in your bag choice, though)
Before you were pregnant, did you know anything about baby seats, or cots, or the Sleepyhead vs Moses basket debate? Because I didn’t. And I didn’t really want to, either, because why would I? There are fun and cute aspects of preparing for baby that your friends will absolutely want to hear about, but don’t bore them to tears over the practical bits that you’re only interested in yourself because you have to be, alright?

And even if they do care, they probably don’t understand what you’re talking about
Some people genuinely are interested, but it’s usually more because they love you and want you to know that they are invested in your new life journey, and it doesn’t mean they know what you’re saying. So keep it brief if they ask, or explain yourself. ‘We’ve been told that a Sleepyhead – which is a sort of mattress you can carry around – is good, but we’re going for a Moses basket instead because it feels safer around the dogs, as it’s more enclosed’ is OK. ‘We’ve been told to get a Sleepyhead but are leaning toward a Moses basket because of the dogs, what do you think?’ Is not. Unless you want a good LOL at the bewildered expression you’ll be met with, which is fine. Pregnancy is hard, we have to get our kicks somewhere

Unless they ask, they likely don’t need to know about the more disgusting of your symptoms
Just no

And if they do ask, you don’t need to give ALL the details
Again, just no. Pregnancy is a whirlwind of surprises, some of them gross. Let them find that out for themselves one day. No need for them to know what a mess you’ve become

Keep the friendship alive by finding some people that are also pregnant to talk to, in addition to your usual support system
So obviously it’s important you have people you can talk to about everything if you do want an opinion, and on the days you’re so consumed by all things foetus that you can’t comprehend a discussion about your mate’s single life, or a chat about another friend’s career goals, or about anything other than BABY BABY BABY, you’ll need some people you can talk to about just that, guilt free. So if you can, find a circle of people that are in your position, and share that stuff with them. Join classes, participate in online forums, latch onto anyone you meet that is in a similar position to the one you’re in because trust me, they need you as much as you need them, and overshare to your heart’s content

And, last but not least, consider that it may be a sensitive topic
Some people don’t want baby’s and feel a bit awkies about it, some can’t have them but want them desperately, some are trying and are a bit down about everyone around them conceiving before they do. So chill your boots and consider your audience before you launch into the conv. It’ll save you both an awkward ‘errrrrm’ moment that could have been avoided entirely. Trust me

So that’s that! Obviously, it’s important to have give and take in a friendship, and most likely your friends will be just as excited about your child as you are, and will want to talk about it, but just some things to keep in mind if you don’t want to become that mum-to-be that people avoid because, last time you saw them, you went off on a tangent about your sore nipples and newly veiny underboobs

Now if you’ll excuse me, my friend is telling me about a new amazing chocolate bar he’s discovered, so I have to be off.

*Pours drink, assumes interested expression, daydreams about a time before chocolate caused heartburn… ;)*


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